We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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