I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
