Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
