Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
