He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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