why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
