If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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