I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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