How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
