Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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