Nicole vs. Life
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
