i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
