Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
