shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
