Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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