what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
