so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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