I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
