omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
