Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
