She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
