I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
