Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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