I cannot find my penis.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
