Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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