five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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