Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
