I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
