So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
