I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize