i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
