Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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