I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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