Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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