In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
