we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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