butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I CAN MOONWALK!
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
