No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize