btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
