New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
