Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
did i walk over a car last night?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want to fling myself into the sun
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
