I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
