i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
