im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
