i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
