I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
