To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
