remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
