Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
