i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
