Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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