i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
