she looked like the before picture.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
