he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
