I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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