i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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