I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
