k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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