That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
