shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
