Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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