love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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