You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
