Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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