fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We named our party play list daddy issues
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i love accidental penises.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
