I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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