I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
