i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Drake has all the answers
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
