i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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