It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
