I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
