your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
