My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
