he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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