not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
