I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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