You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
