there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
