Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
