im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
