i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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